Verse X-Ray: Psalm 18:28

For You will light my lamp; the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness.

I ran across this verse today in my reading, and it immediately spoke to my heart.  I've been going through a time of personal darkness, discovering strongholds in my life that need to be defeated, and this verse gave me such hope.  

I wanted to fully explore its depths, however, so I pulled out my Strong's and looked up "enlighten" and "darkness."  I wanted to see what it really meant for me, personally, that God promises to bring light into the darkness.

In the Hebrew, "enlighten" is the word nāgah, which means to glitter, to illuminate, or to shine.

"Darkness" in Hebrew is hōšek, which literally means darkness, but figuratively refers to misery, destruction, death, ignorance, sorrow, and wickedness.

The King James version of this verse reads, "For thou wilt light my candle..."

So, God literally sets fire to the wick of the Holy Spirit within us, causing our darkness, our sin, our sorrow, to shine.  

I believer there are four reasons that He illuminates our darkness.  There may be more, but these are the ones that God revealed to me this morning.

1. To expose it.
   What remains in the darkness cannot be seen, sometimes not even by us.  But the Lord  has purposed to reveal what remains hidden.
   "He uncovers deep things out of darkness, and brings the shadow of death to light" (Job 12:22).
2.  To transform it.Once light is introduced, darkness ceases to exist.  God brings the light of His love and His Word into the most wicked parts of our heart to cleanse them and sanctify us.
   "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-24). 
3. To glorify Himself.Many times, the darkest, most turbulent parts of our lives are the times that God's magnificent and merciful work is most clearly displayed.  We know that we would never be able to make it through the storm alone, and so does God.  So just as we fear that we are going to sink, He walks out to us on the water, making it known that He saves us from drowning, not our own might or power. 
   "'Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord of Hosts" (Zechariah 4:6).
4. To use it in ministry.The hardships that the Lord lets us go through give us the ability to minister later on.  God picks us up from the miry clay, washes us off, and then sends us out to tell people what He's done for us, how he delivered us.  Moreover, having been in the trenches makes us more empathetic toward those currently at war.  My battle with depression makes me more understanding to those who are currently in its throes.  Your battle with "fill in the blank" makes you better able to minister to those going through the same trial.  

When we are in the battle and all the lights go out, take heart; the Lord will illuminate our darkness, and transform it for His glory and our ministry.  

Father God, I thank you that when I feel as though I am walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I can fear no evil because You are with me.  You are my Refuge and my Deliverer, and just when I feel that I'm lost in my own darkness, You light a lamp and show me the way everlasting.  All glory to you, the King of Kings.  Amen.  

Abide in the Lord

As I was doing my Bible reading last week, I came across Christ's command for us to "abide" in Him.  This raised the question: what does it mean to abide in Christ?  If I read my Bible daily, pray, and go to church, does this qualify?

In the Greek, the word menō is used for the particular verse I was studying.  Menō means to continue, dwell, endure, be present, remain, stand, or tarry with.  So, Christ is asking us to dwell in him or tarry with him.  

But what does THAT mean??

To abide in Christ means to live in Him.  Or better, let our Savior so fill us and our minds and our hearts that our very lives play out to serve Him and seek Him.  

This means daily putting aside our own ambitions, our own dreams, our own desires, our own will and being filled with the Lord's ambitions, dreams, desires, and will.  

"Then [Jesus] said to them all, 'If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me" (Luke 9:23, NKJV).  

This also means filling ourselves with His Word.  

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:1,14).

And, it means keeping His commandments.  

“If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love” (John 15:10).

As you can see, abiding with our Lord and Savior comes at a cost.  It costs our time, our obedience, our own ideas of pleasure.  However, it does not come without a reward.  

“Abide in Me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine, you are the branches.  He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.  By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be my disciples.  As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love” (John 15:4-9).

You see, only by abiding in the Lord are we able to bear any fruit.  Only by abiding in the Lord can we "ask what [we] desire" with assurance that it will be done for us.  Why?  Because once we've sacrificed the longings of our flesh for the longings of the Spirit, we will be asking for things that are in accordance with God's will.  If we don't know God and are continually walking in our flesh, we will continually run into roadblocks and failures because our will is not in accordance with His.  

Though the cost of walking with Christ may seem high, the dividends are even higher.  The Lord showers blessings, spiritual gifts, love, purpose, and truth down on His followers.  And do not forget that the greatest gift of all was given on the cross 2000 years ago.  

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

That alone is reason to take up our cross.  That alone is reason to serve our God.  That alone is reason to abide.
 

Sigh No More Mix

This was put together for a dear friend of mine who is going through a difficult time.  It's meant to say, "Sometimes life sucks, and you can't control it, but everything works for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose."  

This is the first mix I've made in almost three years, so I apologize if it is not as good as my previous ones.  Moreover, many of these songs would get this post erased if I linked their files, so I won't be providing the individual links.

Sigh No More.Rar

1. Fix You - Coldplay
2. Float On - Modest Mouse
3. Light Up Ahead - Further Seems Forever
4. Slow Me Down - Emmy Rossum
5. Let Go - Frou Frou
6. Don't Carry It All - The Decemberists
7. The Cave - Mumford and Sons
8. I Don't Know Why - Ben Kweller
9. You Love to Sing - Copeland
10. Say (All I Need) - OneRepublic
11. Shake It Out - Florence + the Machine
12. Constant Craving - kd lang
13. Wonderful World - James Morrison
14. In Repair - John Mayer

Mamihlapinatapei

"A wordless, yet meaningful look, shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start."

- Yagan, a language from Tierra del Fuego

My Soundtrack to 2011

All of these songs were heavy on my playlist this year.  Some because they touched my heart and others because I just liked their sound.  All in all, however, music was not a major player in 2011.  For the first time since I was ten, I wasn't obsessed with it.  Which is a good thing because, in the past, I often spent too much of my energy on music and not enough on God.  These songs slipped through, though.

1. "Don't Carry It All" - The Decemberists
   The King is Dead was dropped in January of 2011, and I listened to it over and over again.  I love the Decemberists previous albums (especially Picaresque), but I think that this is their best album so far.  And this song, unbeknownst to me, would set the theme for 2011.  Carrying burdens.  And it, quite fittingly, told me to "let the yoke fall from [my] shoulders." 
   
2. "Someone Like You" - Adele
   21 is easily my favorite album of the year.  To me, this album is perfect.  Her voice is haunting, and the lyrics let the things that you had hidden in your heart loose.  Out of all of the amazing songs on the album that I've alternated loving in different seasons, this one has never left my mind.  In an interview, Adele said that she wrote it after thinking about what will happen in twenty years when she runs into the guy she wrote the album for.  What would she feel?  And that theme really resonated with me because there are a few people in my life that I've loved mightily and have had to let walk away, and I always wonder what will happen if I ever see them again. 
   
3. "Parachute" - Cheryl Cole
   Of course, I have to have a poppy dance song of the year, and I estimate the number of times my mother, sister, and I listened to this song in the car to be at least fifty times in one month.  The lyrics actually do having meaning for me, though, because the attitude running through them is exactly the one that Dom and I adopted when we were being ostracized by his family.  "It's you and me up against the world."
   
4. "Lead Me" - Sanctus Real
   This is probably more Dom's song of the year than mine, but I love it, too.  Although it's written from the perspective of a man who wants God to lead him so that he's a better husband and father, the same concept is applicable to anyone.  Let God lead you, and you will be a better everything. 
   
5. "Jar of Hearts" - Christina Perri
   I feel like the whole world was obsessed with this song before I found it, but when I finally did, I listened to it over and over again for weeks.  Having being held captive by several horrible relationships (however platonic they were) for many years made this song powerful for me.  Even though my love was never romantic, pain feels the same when it comes from someone you love.  And the wounded strength, the vulnerability throughout the song is just so beautiful.
   
6. "Breathe Me" - Sia
   Right around the middle of the year I was pretty much floored by depression.  When I'm in that emotional state, that spiritual state, I feel completely isolated from everyone, even my husband.  And this song really captured my brokenness, my fear.  It helped me express what I couldn't, helping me release what I was holding inside.  It didn't offer hope, but it helped me feel less alone.
   
7. "Before the Morning" - Josh Wilson
   I remember riding in the car one morning with Dom and Marina, listening to this song, and just crying.  I had been emotionally drained for months, bordering on despair, and this song just hit me.  And, for the first time, I had hope.  I was able to truly believe that I would get out of the darkness of depression.  This is my most beloved song of 2011 because it caused something to break inside of me.  In a good way.
   
8. "True Love" - Phil Wickham
   The best way for a Christian to regain perspective and encouragement after experiencing a spiritual collapse is to return to the Good News and remind themselves of Jesus' sacrifice and their salvation.  This song was that for me.  "When blood and water hit the ground, walls we couldn't move came crashing down.  We were freed and made alive the day that True Love died." 
   
9. "Heartless" (Cover) - Dia Frampton
   There is nothing about this song that captures me lyrically.  It's really all about the uniqueness of her voice and the creativity of the way she covered this song. 
   
10. "Fix You" - Coldplay
    Chris Martin wrote this song for his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, but he might as well have written it for me because I feel as though he did.  I feel as if I am the one being comforted and consoled every time.  And I really needed consoling in the middle of the year, so this song was on constantly.
    
11. "Cosmic Love" - Florence and the Machine
    I love the lyrics.  I love the music.  I love her voice.  I love to sing it in the car at the top of my lungs.  It's beautiful. 
    
12. "Hosanna" - Hillsong United
    I love love love this song.  So many times during the day, when I'm done praying or just reading or driving or whatever, this song will come into my head.  The bridge is truly my heart's cry.
    
    
    
    Heal my heart and make it clean.
    Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
    Show me how to love like You have loved me.
    Break my heart for what breaks Yours. 
    Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
    As I walk from nothing to eternity.
    
    
    
    
    
    

Sustained Not Forsaken

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down,but not destroyed. 

(1 Corinthians 4:8,9)

Yes, for the Christian hopelessness is not a viable option.  We have received the greatest gift of all time in the blood of our Savior and, with it, the promise that we will be joint heirs with Jesus Christ in Heaven for all of eternity.  Knowing that we are saved from condemnation by and separation from God the Father, how could any wordly thing steal that joy away?

And yet, we give many life situations power over God to drain us of our perseverance.  I do, at least.

I honestly am at a loss as to how apostle Paul could live out the sentiments he expressed because I have been battling with depression for a decade now, and my "persecution" pales in comparison to his.

But I also am acutely aware that I am not alone in this.  Though it's not often talked about in church, I know that depression, hopelessness, and despair are things that many of us have to fight with monthly, weekly, even daily.  Because even though we have the promise of eternity in Heaven, we have to live out this life on earth.  Were these matters purely physical, they may be easier to overcome, but "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12).  And we cannot fight spiritual battles on our own. 

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. 

(Psalm 55:22, ESV)

This is why King David's verse is so dear to me.  We can't fight battles on our own.  So we shouldn't even try.  Offer every trial up to the Lord God our Father, and He will prevail.  It is not by his own strength that Paul was not destroyed but by the grace, mercy, and power of Christ whom Paul placed his faith in and his burdens on.  

This is the important lesson that God has been trying to teach me.  Because even though it is in my head, I read the verses and understand, it is still drilling down into my heart.  Even though I know I am weak, I still try to be strong.  I still try to be enough.  And I am still sometimes ashamed at how useless I really am.

But that is what is really beautiful about God, isn't it?  That even though we are nothing, He is willing to be everything for us.  Just as He was willing to humble himself, come to the earth, and die a criminal's death to gain a victory for us then, He is willing to step into the arena for us now.  If we let him. 

You're Not Alone